I feel like for the longest time I have had the passion and determination to write, but not the inclination as to how to be successful with it. I feel like I’m looking at so many options for possibilities and not truly working on one thing. Maybe I’m trying to be too diverse.
My aim as a postgraduate is to be able to sustain myself and my life by writing, something which will be (as I’m sure a lot of you know) a struggle. I’ve done all the right things…
- I’ve asked my boss for a day off in the week so I can focus on my writing.
- I’ve entered my film script into multiple competitions.
- I’ve set myself deadlines for writing (which hasn’t been very successful).
- I’ve toiled with a play that I desperately want to finish – and still haven’t.
- I’ve started this blog to inspire me and document the process.
- I’ve written writing goals for the year.
- I have an ideas folder where I write ideas down when I get inspired.
- I have checked out the local area for writing opportunities.
- I’ve been to writers’ workshops.
- I’ve given my scripts to writer friends to feedback on.
But still nothing. I can’t feel satisfied until something happens. What I’m waiting for is unbeknownst to me and maybe that’s the problem. How am I monitoring my ‘success’? What do I value as ‘success’? Does writing have to be rated on a “Not Successful -> Successful” scale?
Perhaps this is a hangover from my university days, where when you put a lot of effort into something it gets graded and given back within a specific time period. There is a sounding board for ideas and you are told whether they are good or not based on a points system. After university you don’t have that all the time. I’ve sent my scripts off to writer friends for feedback, which has been extremely helpful, but it isn’t a substitute for being in a learning environment and encouraged at every turn.
Life isn’t always encouraging. People you work with just might not ‘get it’. Family and friends may be drumming their fingers on the table thinking ‘When are they going to succeed?’. And you may find yourself- on more than one occasion- explaining why everything takes so long in the writing world.
It can be very frustrating at times to feel like you’re throwing a handful of darts and the dart board and hoping for one to stick. Frustration is the main feeling I would identify with, being a writer. Sometimes I’m full of energy and want to do ALL THE IDEAS and then sometimes I can’t think of anything worse than writing.
I’m still figuring it all out and trying to make things work. But I think that’s probably – as frustrating as it is- the fun part? I will probably look back and it all make sense, but right now it is real, frustrating, boring, exciting, tedious, painful and fun. It is definitely a different way to live your life and keeps me going throughout the daily grind at work.
There is always a hope for something else, something exciting could be just around the corner. I think I would rather live my life with hope for excitement and it never happen, than never try.